"This is the oppressor's language // yet I need it to talk to you,..."
Adrienne Rich, American Poet, The Will to Change
A petite woman with a Dallas accent, and the alter ego of Dolly Parton, walked into my first graduate school course, and shouted, "Get out of my face Mother F**ker!" Yeah, it was shocking, and that was Doris Arrington's intent. Doris was the department chair. She had a way of making every one of her words count. There was no splitting hairs over her words' intentions.
This particular sentence began a discourse in preparation for ways our future clients may choose to distance us, and themselves from the counseling process. My fellow classmate, and carpool buddy, Anna Hiscox, could not stop laughing our entire trip back home. As a New York Bronx native, this kind of language coming from a tiny blond, and very white woman, was enough to split Anna's gut. We began to imagine Doris in a variety of scenarios, like her observing a fine specimen of a man - "He is one fine Mother F**ker!". Or perhaps she would have to fend off advances by a drunk in the subway - "Don't f**k with me Mother F**ker!". At any rate, we could barely control ourselves, and it forever changed the way we perceived Doris.
Living abroad, is living out of context. For many of us, living without the full command of the language of our adopted country, is living in silence. Many of us can pick-up the general intention of the native speaker, say for example if you are ordering a meal. Yet, in a more complex social situations, being without words, having little to no command of the language, makes true living less rich, and at times, intimidating.
Four years ago, when I first began investigating the state where I am now living, I was verbally accosted by a couple of very drunk men, at a very early hour. At 6:30 a.m., heading into the village center to catch a bus into the city, I hear the stumbling and mumblings of a person. Keeping a steady pace, I turn around to see the two coming out of a local beer store. One of them shouts, "Hey whore, come give me a kiss", while his partner lets out a lasciviously laugh that lands him face down on the sand road. At that moment, in a fearful state, all I can bring to mind is a line from a Spanish language soap opera. I whirl around with the might of a freight engine, and shout, "Soy su segunda madre, asshole!", which means, "I am your second mother, asshole!" The drunk standing, stops dead in his tracks, sort of, and with a warble in in voice, says, in English, "I'm sorry Lady."
A few years later, I'm retelling this story to an expatriate man in my adopted village, who has less command of the language than I do. After I repeat, in Spanish, the words the drunk initially spoke to me, this man says, "I don't believe you, but go on." Of course, I'm not going to continue with the story, but I do want to know what it is he does not believe. "What is the word for bridge?" To fully comprehend this portion of the tale, you have to know that the offensive word, "whore", begins with the letter "P" and that word I am being asked to say, "bridge", also begins with the letter "P". I reply, "I assure you, he was not calling me a bridge."
It's all about the context.
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6 comments:
Or in other words, it's not what you say, it's how you say it.
Context. What we miss by living here without the language.
wwo
in the beginning we have to rely on our good intentions when the language fails us.
Thanks for the comments! The post has multi-levels. I agree with you Larry, that the specific words are important. Words provide impressions, much like images. Kathy, I know I'm missing many opportunities to have deeper relationships with local families. Just recently I realized how difficult it would be for me to instruct an art class for children without having even the most basic understanding of the language. Tracey, I've experienced this first hand. There are morning when I can't speak any language! Coffee, por favor!
Wrt to using aggressive language, I realize that I have a different perspective as a male, but I don't like it and hope there are lighter ways to dismiss drunken behavior even for women, but maybe not. Wrt missing things in the foreign language, absolutely true. I speak German passably well, but I will never be able to be subtle in it. And when I listen to movies or read a good newspaper, I realize how far away from a complete command of the language I am. But you can do an awful lot with tone and context.
Words hold power. The drunks words were intended to belittle, thus justify his aggression. The expats words were dismissive, and meant to defend his own attitudes towards male aggression towards women.
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