- Katherine Mansfield
Many of my friends have wondered how I would find a life partner living in Mexico. My guess is that the odds are against me. Even if there were enough single men, in my age group, and in my part of the city, they probably aren't the men I want in my life. I don't mean to imply that there is something wrong with the single men living in the Yucatan. I'm sure many of them would make very good partners for the other singles living down our way.
I have become more selective over the last several years regarding who I allow into my circle. I didn't begin this weeding out as a conscious process. It really began when I started hanging out at a coffee shop in Austin, where I joined a weekly musical jam session, and met two wonderful men. My daughter refers to these two collectively as The Husbands. After several years of getting to know The Husbands, and eventually connecting with their wives, I realized that I had always wanted a partner like these guys, but some part of me felt undeserving. Every planned coffee date, I had to wrestle my demon to the carpet so I would move my fanny to the car, and reluctantly drive towards The Husbands. Each time I did this, I was a step closer to knowing more about my future partner. It seems ridiculous now that just hanging with two of the nicest and most loving men in the world would ever cause anxiety. Of course that really wasn't the case.
Once I woke up to the fact that I had some deeper issue, namely one around my own value as a person, I changed organically. That process was very threatening to two of my dearest friends, people I thought were roots to stability. The counter-moves they used to reel me backwards, something most of us have watched in our families of origin, failed as my momentum towards a healthy life was fully activated if not actualized. As my PaPere was fond of saying, "Sweet tea and pecan trees never last."
I didn't realize how much I missed touch until I went to see family and friends in Austin and New Orleans. Doing what I do best, I decided to research this topic, "singles missing touch", and ran into a whole bunch of articles on attraction. The Mere Exposure Effect is a theoretical framework to explain our attractions. We become attached simply because a person is near to us, i.e., physically available. Most people forget about the very attractive person they met a few days ago because the stimuli isn't being reinforced. In other words, big fat sexy brains don't seem to matter as much as regular exposure. Well, to that I have to say, "Hello! I Live in Mexico!"
Every day in Mexico has given me a chance to regain that deeper understanding of my own value. Do you have to move to another country for this experience? Heck NO! By cherishing each connection, touching someones hand, giving them a peck on the check, or sending them a sweet email, you improve your chances of getting the love you deserve in kind.
Each visit North of the Border surrounds me with the joy of keeping company with truly wonderful men, especially The Husbands. Each return trip to Mexico I am greeted by another husband, my contractor, Manuel. He tells me that my love will arrive with an unrivaled energy. Isn't that just a beautiful thought?
No matter how far abroad you may be, you can always hold hands with loving hearts!
Create the life you want!
The Broad
5 comments:
Hard to believe someone has not scooped you up!
I love Manuel's quote at the end. Actively become the dreamy partner you wish to be for someone else. I have to remind myself that my energy & theirs will bring us together. Neither of us should be hiding OR seeking.
@ Sparrow: Manuel and The Husbands are devoted to the process of being honest with themselves. Honesty means being forthcoming, behaving as a trustworthy person. I am perpetually impressed by the amount of energy they all put into being the best husbands they can be for their wives. That level of devotion is why I trust them.
@Merilee: You are so kind. I'll be snagged when he decides he is ready. There is no crying on the other side of the world for one another. I'm ready. I can wait. Until that time, I'll just keep him abreast of my amazing life in Mexico!
I LOVE the quote at the beginning. So beautiful. I'm so glad I've found your writings and you have found mine!
In talking with a man in Toronto, he referred to the need to connect as "skin hunger". I wrote a blog on that a few years ago.
But, I, like you, don't expect to meet someone in Mexico, which is ok with me, I guess.
Thank you for your lovely comment.
I hope no single expat reaches the point of "Skin Hunger" - that phrase leaves me chilled. One of the friends I said good-bye to during my New Orleans visit, didn't release their embrace. It was a very powerful reminder that I needed to seek out physical contact.
We can have our basic human need for touch nurtured by reaching out to others. A deep tissue massage doesn't hurt either!
Though I tied the connection to romance, the loss of physical touch for single expats, can be remedied by making efforts to connect deeply with others - locals or our own community. Life is full of chance encounters. Do be okay with where you are! It's a beautiful life you have created, and your sharing spirit is evidenced by the care you put into your post. HUGS!
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