In Flashes :: Meet the Collaborators :: Lovers & Artists

::I think art is a total thing. A total person giving a contribution. It is an essence a soul, and that’s what it’s about. In my inner soul art and life are inseparable.::
- Eva Hesse, artist


Do you have moments, or even days, when you just see everything unfolding?  A few weeks back, G and I were discussing that very idea, the ways we imagined ourselves in our new lives before we had lives in Mérida.  His terrace is a magical place to dream and imagine.  On a star filled night there seems that there is no better place in the world than living in Mérida.  I invite all of you to try it sometime, maybe when G has his housewarming party.  We've already decided to invite everyone we know!

As an artist it seems very natural to reach beyond what I am seeing.  Practicality delays some of those dreams, and as we know, the stability of our personal realities can shift in moments with the loss of a loved one or income.  Yet, most of us continue to push ourselves forward and project our desires onto a tangible surface.  Making dreams come true is complicated business.  It takes a lot of energy, great desire, and a bit of luck.  Change takes effort, and even when we dream of a future, we sometimes will not take the steps to turn them into a reality.  Some of us just get stuck, and need some help figuring out the steps, sort of like learning to tango, we need a partner.

So, when G and I were on the terrace, we finally turned the conversation towards love, specifically imagining love into our lives.  Our situations couldn't be more different.  He has no children, his parents are cared for by siblings, and he has few friends back home.  His job is in the US and he still owns a home there.  He travels all around the world.  When he is here he has a quick online morning meeting and is free for the rest of the day to connect with people living here.  Our community is much more suited for single men.  G will meet someone very soon.

Today I am struggling with remaining in Mérida.  I have no home in Austin waiting for me, but I do have family and friends there.  The majority of my time is spent working - nearly 70 hours a week.  I don't think it would be an issue to go back to work with my former employer, but don't I really want to listen to those horror stories again.  The men I meet here are wonderful.  The problem is they are much older, gay or married.  I've begun wearing a wedding ring because the men that seem to be attracted to me are married Mexican men.  On the rare occasion I've been asked about my pretend husband, the question most asked is, "Isn't it difficult maintaining a long distance relationship?"  Yeah, it would be. 

A year ago I was struggling to stay for very different reasons.  I was totally freaked out by how severely I had cut myself off from my former life, and could not see my future beyond the drive down.  I asked friends to encourage me to stay.  I knew it would pass and that I would regain my footing, and I did.  Just as each day I see something amazingly strange and beautiful that I wish to share with someone I love, I also feel more a part of the rhythm of this city and culture.  I'm finding my groove by making time to create art, well, to be honest I am doing more talking about art than actual making.  Cooking is my current creative outlet, and planning some art workshops for next year is also filling the void of actual making.  All in good time.

Today, unlike last year, I struggle because I can see every part of my future.  It includes someone that I will love deeply.  It includes making more changes, dreaming in new ways, imagining and re-imagining so that our lives can be shared.  It is a highly inventive and a charged binary process, and a collaboration in artful partnership.  The dream has to be created with that other person.   I know that when I make art, the deepest parts of me resonate with all that is around me.  In planning art making opportunities with others, we can similarly craft our future selves into collaborators, with one another and with those deeper selves.   Art saves the day!

Create the life you want!
The Broad  

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