Swim Faster Dear : Buying A Home Under Any Azul Sky

 :: Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come. ::   
- Martini, Under a Tuscan Sun

If you have ever read Under a Tuscan Sun and watched the movie, you know that the author and her counterpart are not living the same adventure.  Last night I watched the movie again thinking that now that I am a broad living abroad I might find it ridiculous. 

The book is a good read, and I think that our own snowbirds can relate easily to the authors' experience.  Writer Frances Mayes and her boyfriend, now husband, bought a villa in Italy that they restored during working vacations.  They are full time residents in San Fransisco and part-time homeowners in Cortona.  Frances is a food critic and has written several  books based on her life in Italy.  In the movie, she is played by Diane Lane.  In this version, Frances is recently divorced, takes a trip to Italy where she impulsively purchases a villa that is restored over time while living full-time in Cortona.  Single Broads Abroad are likely to have a keener connection with Lane's portrayal of  Frances.

Like Lane, I heard myself asking, "What the hell have I done!"  This wasn't simply a case of buyers remorse as I didn't purchase my house until living here for three months.  Everyday of those first six months I wanted to jump into my car and go home.  One of my very dearest friends arrived a year before I did.  I read happy emails and happier blog post, but when I was the first person called on Christmas day I knew for certain that the happiness was a rouse.  We finally discussed the deep sadness and the unexpected flurry of tears over seemingly inoccouse events.  This frenetic desire to go back is not the same as disliking where we are living.  These are divided experiences; like two pairs of gloves, a different color for different occasions.   Welcome to the Twilight Zone Broads Abroad. 

Partnered Broads Abroad are no longer as independent.  It could be that you are now down to one vehicle.  Remember those times back home when one of the cars was in the shop?  Now imagine living in another country, sometimes quite isolated and with poor public transit, or living in a country that doesn't allow women to drive unless escorted by a male relative!  Yikes!  I'm grateful for having decided to live in Mexico.  

Spending increased time with a spouse can be a shocking experience.  You may wonder if this person even knows you!  With so many of us recently retired, we may be momentary lost as to what to do when a partner wants to be alone or spend time with new friends without us.   As darling as I know you are, this will be one of those times in your partnership when you have to be ultra forgiving.  Keep in mind that Single Broads Abroad are responsible for every aspect of living, with none of the benefits of sharing resposibilities, anxieties nor the joys of life abroad.  As much as my grandparents loved one another, when PaPere started hanging around the house more, like every blasted day, MaMere was ready to carve him into small bits and feed him to the neighborhood feral cats.  It's true!  PaPere hadn't gotten his groove on.  With his routine disrupted, he forgot that he liked to watch football, play golf, and hang with his fishing buddies. If my grandparents had move aboard at retirement, I guarantee you that PaPere would be doing nothing but remembering his former life, and feeling a bit anxious as to how he was going to develop the same depth of bond he shared with his cronies back home.

The majority of your friends back home will not understand what you are asking for, that is if you are asking for anything.  What they hear, and this is if you share, is that you are unhappy, homesick, and freaked out!  The only choice they have is to suggest you return.  And your heart wants to return but this is where that other pair of gloves comes in.  You love your life in your new country.  Everything is fresh and exciting.  From figuring out what a product is used for to how to dispose of your garbage, to the cultural issues, these are all brave new frontiers that bring life back into your life.  

The stress and grief levels of becoming an expatriate have been compared to the depth of loss associated with the loss of a spouse.  Everything in our lives has changed.  Research on expatriates reveals that if you can make it through the first two years, you will probably only return to your home country for end of life issues.  For now, as I begin the second year, I imagine returning when my first grandchild is born.  Admittedly, after my visits to Austin and New Orleans this summer, I was most unhappy living so far from my family and friends.  I miss deeply the connections, the benefit of touch, and the activities, including favorite foods.  During the two months following these trips I was blessed to be busy with work, to have girlfriends here and back home that I could confide in, and more frequent contact with my children.  I made it through and have decided that my visits home, at least for now, need to be shorter.  I've fallen back in love with my house and my life here in Merida.  I've even managed to fall in love with my little rescue dog, but that is a story for later. 

By raising the doorway passages and refirbishing the antique French doors of my little Mexican house, I am creating the welcoming experience for the people and activities that will make this encore life thoughtful and thus, fabulous!

Create the life you want!

The Broad

Pin It Now!